Today I will be blogging about a story I read on New York Times. Her name is Sara and she talks about why she doesnt believe everything happens for a reason,she says people should read newspapers more often! Well heres at it...

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/25/fashion/sometimes-its-not-you-or-the-math-modern-love.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0
 
Sometimes, It’s Not You

By SARA ECKEL

Published: September 23, 2011

 

"My efforts yielded many friends and filled my calendar with fulfilling activities. I went on Internet dates, speed dates and blind dates. I had great hair and a confident smile. But I was still alone. And in the dark of Saturday night, I still asked myself, “What’s wrong with me?”

Mark and I dated for a month before I revealed my shoddy relationship résumé. When I did, he shrugged. “Lucky for me,” he said, “all those other guys were idiots.”

And that was it. To Mark, I was not a problem to solve, a puzzle that needed working out. I was the girl he was falling in love with, just as I was falling in love with him.
Six years later, this past June, he and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary. My close friends — the ones with whom I had shared many impromptu therapy sessions — had come to the wedding in a small Brooklyn park. And so had their husbands.

"Did we find love because we grew up, got real and worked through our issues? No. We just found the right guys. We found men who love us even though we’re still cranky and neurotic, haven’t got our careers together, and sometimes talk too loudly, drink too much and swear at the television news. We have gray hairs and unfashionable clothes and bad attitudes. They love us, anyway./

What’s wrong with me? Plenty. But that was never the point. "


I absolutely love what she said in this paragraph, because ive been there. At one point i thought there was something wrong with me, It wasnt going right with any guy I met and it seeemed to me it was always my fault, like I wasnt good enough. But she's right we need to stop looking for that perfect guy and stop trying to make ourselves look perfect as well, because perfect people don't exist. We need to find someone who will love us, in the mogning when we wake up and our hair is a mess, we have no make up on, and we complaing about the smallest things. Because we individuals are alot to work with! We just to find that guy who sees all of our faults and still wants to stick around because that doesnt matter to him, and he cares and all that matters is the love one another should hsare and take care of!

But does this have to do with my question? " Do you believe everything happens for a reason?" To Sara? NO! but to me YES! because I feel that if she had never met Mark at work or waited all these years wasting time with useless dates she would have never fugired out that she was falling in love with Mark just like he was falling in love with her! :)

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/rediscovering-love/201112/promise-keepers-the-committed-partners-who-stay-faithful-each-other

Rediscovering Love

How to identify behaviors that undermine love—and how to avoid drifting apart

by Randi Gunther, Ph.D.

"Before Todd and I met, I know I never shared my most vulnerable and embarrassing feelings with anyone. I could certainly share my anger and disappointments, but never things I thought guys would think were too stupid, self-indulgent, or threatening.

In this article Randi talks about all her couples that come in and talk about their previous relationships and what happenned to each one of them and why she felt like there was a reaosn to why it happenned the way they did. I think that saying that i quoted on top is a perfect example to my question " does everything happen for a reason?" because her patient pretty much said before she met Todd she couldnt be herlself around anyone else, which means that she met Todd so that she could have that best friend to go to and talk about anything. Thats definetly the best feeling ever :)

One of her patients topic was about infidelity. I hate it. I think people shouldnt cheat if the feelings arent there then you shouldnt be either. Its super easy to cheat, when you have the chance and you think people wont get hurt by it because youre just having a good time, but they do end up in pain because they trusted you with all they had. Trust is one thing you should never lose if you have gained it, because once youv lost it its really hard to get it back, chances are they wont probably ever trust you again.

"We" is a state of mind and heart. It means that wherever one partner is, the other is present in their thoughts. Partners who consider themselves a "we" act that way. When you talk to partners who live with and in the heart of their beloved, you experience that commitment in every way they present themselves.  They communicate a pride in belonging to their partner. It's a powerful feeling of "us" over anyone or anything else.

I think the word "we" means alot like she said in her article. It means they are together, they own everything as a couple. like for example when you get married, you need to get used to saying its "ours"  instead of  "mine" because that says its both of yours rather then yours and one doesnt feel left out!

Randi does an awesome job at what she does, she talks to couples who have problems and tries to make it better for them! thats one thing i wouldlike to do one day :)

When Things Go Wrong, Play the “Guess the Reason” Game

A simple strategy for an instant boost when life isn't going your way.

Published on April 10, 2012 by Dr. Susan Biali, M.D. in Prescriptions for Life

The artcile i just read talked about a girl named sarah who tried to make a point about how you have answers to everything you just needto stop looking for them.
 

Wonder why things happen the way they did? And you feel like there should be definition to every single one of your questions? I think the title on this passage says it all. Simply by her saying “play the guess the reason”  game. So she’s trying to tell us that there is a reason to everything you just have to play the game and figure it out yourself. Don’t you think that if everything didn’t happened for reason this world would be so messed up? Are there reasons to everything?  Like why that person broke your heart, or why I didn’t get that job. Because there is always something better ahead and that person that left you were just a lesson learned and were only in your life for a season, and why you didn’t get a job? Well maybe because you’re not ready for it and you need something better your way. As you play the guessing game you start to realize that you were stupid for questioning your thoughts about a certain thing and you start to reassure yourself that everything is going to be okay at the end, and if it’s not okay then it’s not the end! When things go wrong, don’t worry, it will get better soon and that’s exactly what the author in this article is trying to tell us, for you not to try to look for answers they will come to you with time. I think Susan here has a lot to tell you by just quoting what she asks as well. She has had experienced that lead her to believe not everything happens for a reason!

“When things go wrong , do you usually discover in the end that something good that came out of it? Like, why would this have happened to me today? What’s the reason? I can’t see it right now.”

"Have you had one of those days when everything seems to go wrong, only to find that the events of the day contained a surprising gift, or had saved you from some other worse fate in the end? I'd love to hear your stories and thoughts in the comments section."

“What if the reason that this happened to both of you, is to prevent something more disastrous happening in the future?” She pointed at me. “You lost some money and had a stressful morning, but I bet you won’t make this mistake ever again, from now on you’ll read your ticket carefully. Maybe that will prevent you from missing a much more critical flight out of New York in the future.”

"The next time you find yourself having that kind of a day, play this game with yourself or anyone else who happens to be around, or call a friend. Make a list of all the potential good outcomes that could emerge from the initially unwelcome event, and watch the clouds lift."

My “bad” day, in the larger scheme of things, really wasn’t a very big deal, but it was a useful exercise in brainstorming a positive twist in a group. This kind of conversation, and the socially supportive nature of the game, would be even more reassuring and valuable if one was going through something truly difficult or deeply upsetting.

http://boss.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/10/13/re-thinking-what-your-mother-told-you/

October 13, 2010, 7:00 am

Rethinking What Your Mother Told You

By JAY GOLTZ

My beginning years of being a teenager I never listened to what my mother or father had to tell me because I thought they had no clue what was going on with my life. Truth is they have been though mostly all the things I have been though and all they wanted to do was help me out so that I wouldn’t make the same mistakes twice! I should have listened to them when I had the chance but instead I went and did the same mistakes again. But isn't that how you learn? Making the same mistakes again? Well not me, I kept doing them I kept running back to the same person that kept hurting me and didn’t care about me. I think the main reason I did that because we as humans are willing to do that much for a person because we think they would do the same for us, but no some people a closed up in the head and have no feelings but for themselves, they are selfish about everything and think they don’t hurt people. So in the end I did end up learning, I let go of that person and learned to be a stronger person. Here is where it comes back to everything happens for a reason, if I didn’t go through hell with this person would i have learn to value myself as an individual or learn to only love those who love me in return? No! So it’s a good thing i went through all that and I am thankful for it! I think that the author is trying to help us learn how to cope with things in life and figure out why you did what you did when you did, and what th eoutcome of it was :)

 Here are something that the author of this article wants you to learn and read of usual sayings that people say in their daily routine!

"1. Don’t judge people. Hmm. isn’t that what management is? You need to judge whether people are doing good jobs, whether they represent your company’s values, whether they have the potential to take more responsibility."

2." People are innocent until proven guilty. Actually, when it comes to interviewing people and checking references, it’s probably better to assume guilty until proven innocent. People lie, exaggerate, and are delusional about their own abilities and histories. If you are skeptical and careful, you will have a much better track record of hiring good people. "

3." The customer is always right. A nice thought, but it makes for a terrible training mantra. It can frustrate employees who have to deal with customers who are not always right. The reality is that  customers are usually right if you look at the situation from their perspective. And even when they are not right, it probably isn’t worth fighting with them. We can afford to lose some money on a sale more easily than we can afford to lose a customer".

4. "Treat others the way you want them to treat you (the golden rule). Not everyone thinks like you, operates like you or behaves as responsibly as you do. If someone is coming in late regularly, doing a sloppy job, or alienating customers, you might want to do something about it. If you follow the golden rule, you won’t — because you would not want anyone to call you on it. The golden rule is a nice sentiment in life, but it would work in business only if everyone — suppliers, employees and customers — also operated by it. They don’t."

5." All you have to do is to try your best. Not really. Customers deserve what they pay for, and they really don’t care how hard you are trying. If your house burns down, you’re probably not going to be consoled that your insurance agent tried hard — but forgot to renew the policy."

6. "Honesty is the best policy. Usually. But there are times when keeping your mouth shut is the best policy. Suppose you interview someone for a sales job and you think he communicates poorly. You send him letters thanking him for his time but telling him you have selected another candidate. He calls you and wants to know why you didn’t hire him. If you go with the honesty policy, you will say that you didn’t think he sounded very smart. How smart does that make you? Or suppose someone calls you for a reference for a former employee and you decide to tell the truth. Silence can be golden. A simple “I really can’t comment” may save you from a lawsuit."

7. "The meek will inherit the earth. Maybe this one is true. But it is also true that the meek are going to have a tough time in business. The entrepreneur needs to take charge, make things happen and stand up to suppliers and employees who are not delivering and customers who are not paying their bills. (But that doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk."

8. "Everything happens for a reason. This one is frequently true, but not in the cosmic, “it’s all about fate” way it is intended. Good and bad things do happen for a reason. The reason a company goes broke may be that it overexpanded. The reason that someone got hurt may be that he or she wasn’t following the safety procedures or was never trained in the safety procedures. The reason you lost the customer may be that you didn’t deliver what you promised. In any case, it may not have been just fate."

Does everything happen for a reason?

?" Does everything happen for a reason."

The article I read was published on February 11, 2010 by Pail Thagard. 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hot-thought/201002/does-everything-happen-reason-0

He talks about how people cope with difficult situations in their lives, and they sometimes reassure themselves by saying everything happens for a reason. For some people, thinking this way makes it easier to deal with relationship problems, financial crises, disease, death, and even natural disasters such as earthquakes. It can be distressing to think that bad things happen merely through chance or accident. But they do and it all depends of how you go day by day trying to make yourself and your family stronger and what difference you’re going to make. Because yes you can’t sit there and let your life be miserable forever and you can get up and focus on what’s going to make it better and fight to accomplish any new goals you might think will help them. I think the what the author is trying to tell us in his article is that it’s fairly easy to give up and quit, and people reassure themselves that it’s okay to give up because everything happens for a reason, but no people shouldn’t use this saying to just give up on their goals and ambitions they should fight till the last minute and that whole “everything happens for a reason” could also turn out to be a better thing and not give up!

Here's a little something from his passage that tells us about what he thinks about this famous saying !

"The saying that everything happens for a reason is the modern, New Age version of the old religious saying: “It’s God’s will.” The two sayings have the same problem – the complete lack of evidence that they’re true. Not only is there no good evidence that God exists, we have no way of knowing what it is that he (or she) wanted to happen, other than that it actually did happen. Did God really will that hundreds of thousands of people die in an earthquake in one of the world’s poorest countries? What could be the reason for this disaster and the ongoing suffering of millions of people deprived of food, water, and shelter? Why do people find it reassuring that the Haiti earthquake happened for a reason such as the will of God, when such terrible events suggest a high degree of malevolence in the universe or its alleged creator? Fortunately, such events can alternatively (and with good evidence) be viewed as the result of accidents, and possibly even of chance."

"The doctrine that everything happens for a reason has intellectual variants. The German philosopher Hegel maintained that in historical development the real is rational and the rational is real. Similarly, before the recent meltdowns in the financial system, it was a dogma of economic theory that individuals and markets are inherently rational. Some naïve evolutionary biologists and psychologists assume that all common traits and behaviors must have evolved from an optimizing process of natural selection. In hs"tory, economics, biology, and psychology, we should always be willing to consider evidence for the alternative hypothesis that some events occur because of a combination of chance, accidents, and human irrationality. For example, Keynes attributed financial crises in part to “animal spirits”, by which he meant the emotional processes that can make people swing between irrational exuberance and pessimistic despair".

"But if the real isn’t rational, how can we cope with life’s disasters? Fortunately, even without religious or New Age illusions, people have many psychological resources for coping with the difficulties of life. These include cognitive strategies for generating explanations and problem solutions, and emotional strategies for managing the fear, anxiety, and anger that naturally accompany setbacks and threats. Psychological research has identified many ways to build resilience in individuals and groups, such as developing problem solving skills and strong social networks. Life can be highly meaningful even if some things that happen are just accidents. Stuff happens and you deal with it."

This is also true i believe shit happens you go on with life and make the best of it. You only live once and while you’re at it why not live it the way you want to, don’t matter who or what happens you just got to go day by day and make mistakes learn from them life moves on and so should you! :)